Wife is off dossing about at work so I thought I’d start the day by taking Freddy and the dog out for a nice walk. Crisp winters morning I thought, that’ll lift my spirits. How wrong can you be.

Soon as I let him off his lead he buggered off and took a massive crap on someones doorstep. As I was cleaning it up he decided to get stuck into a discarded kebab. I attempted to call him back but he ignored me so I tried to get hold of him at which point he ran off. Just before I eventually got hold of him he decided to roll in something unspeakable, poo by the smell of it, so completely harassed I gave up and came home. It doesn’t end there. After inhaling his breakfast he decided he needed a drink so wandered off to the toilet and took a nice long draft. To cap it all off he then wiped his arse on the carpet and took a sniff before staring at me in that smug satisfied “Ive just ruined your morning” sort of way.

Anyway, I’m well fed up so I have had to resort to putting him in his cage.

On the plus side, the dog has been remarkably well behaved. Hopefully the kids will learn from his example ……